I know this solution works cause I tried it myselfand it changed my life >>. It's the bare minimum to be nice, and reality reminds me every day even this compliment isn't true. Between the pre-compromise and internalization, you never say what you truly want and feel, you're not being really honest and emotionally intimate. 10 Eckhart Tolle Quotes that will Make You Feel like You can Breathe. A build-up of resentment can often fuel the acting out, but sometimes its just a slow and ever-present simmer that you internalize along with everything else. Avoiding the perils of niceness requires feeling one's genuine needs and wants, as well as actively setting boundaries. There's almost always a good reason for women to act the way they do towards men. or expecting them to realize what you need and give it to you, even though you never say what those needs are. They want to change the world. Every time you read, share, comment or heart you help an article improve its Ratingwhich helps Readers see important issues & writers win $$$ from Elephant. People who are always nice tend to hold in negative emotions, often resulting in depression, anxiety, and addiction. I know this solution works cause I tried it myselfand it changed my life >> Is not fair that I'm nice to my friends. By creating an account you agree to Elephant's Terms and Privacy Policy. Psychology Today 2022 Sussex Publishers, LLC, 16 Signs You Were Raised by a Highly Critical Parent, The Simple Technique That Relieved My Anxiety and Depression, Gaslighting Behavior Is a Sign of Weakness. A year and a half ago, I moved through something so inextricably painful I cant even put it into words. That's why I hate hearing this shitty compliment. Being called a s!ut | Being bullied | Being abused | .. original sound. And if depression, anxiety, and addiction arent strong enough to keep those non-polite feelings at bay, you are likely at risk of acting out, through the one-night stand on a business trip, going on a binge, going into a hurricane-like rage at your kid, your dog, or your gentle, but always-absent-minded coworker. It seems to come out of nowhere, you feel terribly guilty, you apologize profusely, you promise never to do that ever again . I think the reason I hate (I know hate is a strong word) it so much is that I've been called it so many times on Instagram posts and in life that it's started to get on my nerves. Unless youre on some major and highly effective medications, probably not. 1.5K views, 221 likes, 110 loves, 4 comments, 21 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Boss Tim V2: Boruto 202 I know she meant it as a compliment and I know she was trying to be nice, but it felt as if I had been slapped in the face, and all the work I've put into myself completely destroyed. Your free account lets you heart articles, follow authors, comment, Boost, and support Elephant's writers. Im proud of the choices I have made to get to where I am. Tactile Home Art for mini mental breaks & expressive play. Why not join the Elephant community, become an Elephriend? Copyright 2022 Waylon H. Lewis Enterprises. WOOOOOOOO!!! I must be fucking crazy because every time I get called smart or nice I consider it an insult and I'm tired of it. I am nice, so I wont mind. r/niceguys is a term that has long been used to describe men like this - they are common enough that we have developed a term for them. Or being permanently agreeable. Here are some common reasons below. Honesty is essentially what setting boundaries is all about, but honesty is also the driver of intimacy. 3 Real Reasons You arent Getting the Girl. Life is win-win as much as possible. But not something that should be normal. Sponsored by Ultimate Dog Food Guide Is your dog eating any of this food? Its less about a value of how to treat people and more a psychological flack-suit to protect you from what seems to be a scary world. And every night, before he goes to bed, he lays on my chest and stares into my eyes until I give him a treat. Posted July 21, 2018 Rather than clearly stating what you want at the start of a discussion with someone, you instead anticipate or assume what the other person would like, and then downshift your own demands before the conversation starts. Then you can Heart an article, boosting its "Ecosystem" score & helping your favorite author to get paid. I also like girls, girls don't like nice guys. It's just a way to say something good, when there is nothing to compliment. I was fiercely trying to practice gratitude amidsta wealth of hurt. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Close relationships can lack depth. They are the ones who are the opposite of complacent. And I . I just want people to stop telling me this. Check out these stunning Wonderscapes >>. He is the author of 11 books and over 300 articles and provides training nationally and internationally. We're protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply. Its forgiveness. Not for opinions, not for relationship advice, and not for preaching. Why would someone not be liked even if they are "nice"? Don't change! They are the ones who have had to talk themselves out of bed in the morning and off the floor at night. If you do all the heavy lifting all of the time, you are prone to periodic collapse. How to make yours fierce and toned >>, By confirming, you agree to our Terms and Conditions and Privacy Policy. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Like the yin and yang, we have both goodness & badness residing within us. 11 years ago. I hate that! Thank you for the book tip I will order it. Privacy Policy. About Press Copyright Contact us Creators Advertise Developers Terms Privacy Policy & Safety How YouTube works Test new features Press Copyright Contact us Creators . Because guys that are considered "nice" are more likely to get "friend-zoned" than dated. If you cant tell at the time, wait, and continue to ask yourself how you truly feel; something will eventually emerge. While working at a restaurant a few years ago, the staff had gotten together to talk about some negative things that needed to be brought to the owners attention. So, are you ready to give up some of your niceness? Whats not to like? Bob Taibbi, L.C.S.W., has 45 years of clinical experience. Yup. Believe it or not, there was a time when being called "a nice person" was an insult. I know this to be true, for where I am and who I am. For example: one person's "nice . May this sites daily new articles inspire & expand your mind& heart in the midst of this busy-busy world of ours. How could it be a good thing if you're telling me being nice is a girl repellent. Revolution Needed 2. We all know, that we would like. Welcome to elephant's ecosystem. Youve met them, Ive met them, or you may be one of them: nice people. Its love. Mumsnet carries some affiliate marketing links, so if you buy something through our posts, we may get a small share of the sale (more details here). It makes you feel like you aren't being taken seriously. Dirty guys attract dirty girls, and is that really someone you want to spend the rest of your life with? Yet somehow in 2017, everyone knows you can't be openly racist but calling people an Oreo is okay. Not much, you say. Be who you are, and just. Always trying to get his own way. Explore; Reddit Search; Reports. If youre an always-nice superstar, you likely dont even realize how you feel a lot of the time. I used to hate being called 'nice'. Two days ago a girl told me that the reason girls don't go for me is because they're intimidated by my uniqueness and niceness, and that it was a good thing. As a woman whose beauty was defined by the length and texture of her hair, without knowing it, I was redefining my "pretty." I remember the reactions of my. Maybe the people who are the nicest, most positive and uplifting are the ones who have gone through the most upheaval. I'M not racist!". They are the ones who have fiercely fought their demonsthe demons about themselves that most people are afraid to face. and they love me because of that. Your persona cracks a bit, and you put on subtle pressure or guilt to get your way, or you go along with something but then act in a passive-aggressive manner because your unhappiness leaks out. One in two people with a vagina struggles with pelvic floor health, but just because its common doesnt make it normal. They know how to offer genuine wordsof encouragement because they have had to become their own biggest cheerleaders. Dont just sweep the binge or the burnout or the passive-aggressiveness under the rug, but instead use them as red flags that you are being over-responsible, that you are neglecting your own needs. Its humility. I know My husband spit in my plate after I refused to share it my girlfriend broke up with me because i watch cartoons My sister slapped me because her husband complimented my My girlfriend was acting like a smartass, so I made her My husband slapped me for texting while driving. I got a regular hate burger, ate half and was full! It used annoy me, but now I shrug it off. The burnout may sideline you for a while, but once you recover, you're quickly back on duty. Take a few deep breaths, pat yourself on the back, and keep moving forward. It may be exhaustion, or it may be getting sick or sinking into the depths of severe depression. I think the biggest mistake people make is to associate kindness with weakness. They want to do better and they want to be better. For the past 4 years I've been working really hard into changing to something I like being. This choice I make is difficult. Elephant offers 2 articles/week for free. WHEN it comes to gifts, what matters is that it's from the heart. Reviewed by Matt Huston. OK, so if I call myself short, which I am, means I am not? Being called sweet girl is annoying to me, am I taking being called by full name is never a good sign. and our By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. You do it not because you should or because you will feel guilty otherwise, but because its your life blueprint. because I'm loved by others. I feel like I was just born racist and prejudiced and bigoted because of my skin color. I think people assume that because I am nice I dont know how to put my foot down or be assertive. Your investment will help Elephant Journal invest in our editors and writers who promote your values to create the change you want to see in your world! heart articles you love. You can still have an interesting life and be a nice guy. ~ Khara-Jade Warren, Eleditor. Theyre sensitive to the feelings of others, easy to be around, and rarely if ever argue. This is little-kid stuff that flares up when you start to break your old patterns. Push back against the critical voices. Is not fair that all my friends hate me. Now they think all men who call themselves are actually douchebags and the actual douchebags who know the game and do not call themselves nice are getting all the girls. However, I did find that during that time I smiledbigger and harder than I ever had in my entire life, because I was fighting for my happiness day in and day out. Of course not. She is the, Nicole Baptista is a language teacher and freelance writer from London. I know how u feel but atleast give them credit for complimenting u . If she doesn't like you and you aren't a couple, have some self-respect and move on. 5. She is pursuing her pas, Amy Nelson is a 500-hour trained yoga instructor, and has taught countless classes and countless hours of, Cline Levy is a Feminine Empowerment and Sexuality Coach, and facilitates womens workshops internati. But if youre always the nice guy, if its your 24/7 public persona, there are often psychological dangers lurking below that friendly surface, a downside that can take its toll. The fact that Im smiling at the person that is smushing their Chinese takeout in my face on the Streetcar, while their dog is scratching my leg is exampleenough of how kindness is a strength (a micro example, may I say. Until the pressure builds up, and the right triggers set you off. Use your symptoms as tools to let you know when youre overextended. . Embrace it. What goes a long way to being nice is that you're more likely to blame yourself than anyone else: Its your fault, you should have known better, you did something that caused the other person to act the way they did, though you really have no idea what that may be. But along with this, you can say no, take care of yourself as well as others, be assertive and honest without being aggressive and hurtful. It's normal, not exceptional in any way. I would rather compliment someones character over their look. This choice I make is character-stretching. I used to think it was a compliment but now it just grates on me. Create a Free Account & Get 2 Free Reads. I am nice, so I won't mind. And different paths are okay. Daily. @Ahmad_Metallic said: "no crazy sex and wild partying, im a nice guy and my life is dull". It's time to not just apologize or recover, but again speak up. A place to get personal things off your chest. They are the ones who are brave and introspectivethe ones who are driven to change. | What always-nice people tend to do is internalize hold in negative emotions that naturally rise up in the course of everyday life. 20 Buddhist Concepts from the Dalai Lama to Help us Enter the New Year Gracefully. And clearly you appreciate mindfulness with a sense of humor and integrity! On behalf of the many people who are nice and kind: all of these assumptions are wrong. For some people, the community Reddit's raisedbyNarcissist's subreddit provides is life-changing. Our conversations are sprinkled with slips, pauses, lies, and clues to our inner world. There are bigger and much more tragic things I have endured while still remaining positive). Hey Nice Guys! If it's too difficult to say no in person, call and leave a voicemail, or send a text. Its a miserable way to live. I thought it had implications of people thinking I could be walked over. Sometimes its a choice I make every five seconds (If youve ever taken the Streetcar down Queen at 5 p.m. in Toronto youll understand what I mean). Better yet, be proactive and let others know where you stand before they come to you. Holding Back From Expressing Your Desires. We are humans and so no one quality can completely define us. But theres a difference between a values-driven life and an anxiety-driven one. I think my niceness is a choiceI make not just for myself, but for my relationships and for those I encounter on a day to day basis. It was quite crowded so the wait was a bit but man the size of the burger was worth it! By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. I was born and molded into a nice guy, this is my nature. All rights reserved. They are the ones who have really done the work-who are genuinely appreciative. I hate being called "nice". We're dedicated to sharing "the mindful life" beyond the core or choir, to all those who don't yet know they give a care. I big-chopped it. Rather than quickly raising your hand at the staff meeting when they call for volunteers, take a few deep breaths, and ask yourself whether you really want to do this. Those who are always nice may periodically act out or even collapse from. For more information, please see our Edit: Ah the comments are deleted, I hope nobody gave them hate. Ferguson hit me really hard, and I wish I could do something, but since I'm white, I feel like people will think I'm just trying to get attention, like, "Oh, look at me! Ive heard it in the workplace, Ive heard it in relationships, Ive heard it in friendships. Its not letting our anger own us. Also being nice is an great compliment when you barely know someone. Its seeing the good in ourselves. Under such steady verbal abuse, you vow to try harder, not screw up and be even nicer, but whatever you do is never good enough; fault, mistakes, and incriminations are around every corner. 2. I was born and molded into a nice guy, this is my nature. Thank you all. To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account. To be kind sometimes leaps beyond choice. Answer (1 of 67): Okay, so morally speaking, everyone wants to be nice (good) or be treated nicely (well)! Or the kickerI am nice because I lead a simple, uncomplicated life. To the people who have said remarks like this, you might not think you're being racist but you are. She loves writin, Galina Singerhas traversed several cultures and conflicting philosophies in search for, Michelle Schafer is a woman and mother of two incredible humans. Just get it done. Sign up (or log in) below Heres how to get started: 1. I write real and fictitious stories about life, issues, love, loss, g, Damini Grover is an eternal explorer, foodie, dance lover, dog lover (and in love with m. #26 Edited By deactivated-57beb9d651361. You have this critical, scolding drill-sergeant/parent voice coming at you all the time, looking over your shoulder, wagging its finger. 5 Common Causes, How to Work Around a Procrastination Habit. I was never allowed to hate my situation or hate how people treated me because that made me ungrateful. I felt liberated. For the past 4 years I've been working really hard into changing to something I like being. This does not mean that reacting to being mad is being crazy. Doing nice things for her and then getting frustrated when . Because I am nice I don't really have an opinion; I just go with the flow. Nunzia Stark is a Park University Alumni and a former elementary educator. Cookie Notice Nothing wrong with admitting how you actually are as a person, nice included, but they misunderstand the term nice guy. Because I am nice I dont really have an opinion; I just gowith the flow. And along with this Complimenting someone's look is great if you compliment something they had control over. Here are the most common ones: Youre that good, that laid-back all the time, really? Think of all the gender norms we're trying to kill or bury alive. Delivery & Pickup Options - 292 reviews of Hate Burger "Its called the Hate Burger but the employees were very nice! They are named for the fact that they tend to cringily relate to the "nice guys finish last" type of misogynistic BS. What Brings Couples to a Crisis Point? "pleasant or pleasing or agreeable in nature or appearance". . And you're not! Turning thekindness I extend to everyone around me and showing it to myself. He also comes to me whenever he is scared or sick or in pain so I can hold him until he feels s Continue Reading 10.1K 64 224 Steve Tamulewicz The resentment comes, because your niceness also comes with expectations that others will appreciate your martyrish efforts or will follow your lead and be like you, always putting others first, stepping up, etc. Damn it, I never been a relationship ! But men have decided to throw around this word to shame girls for feeling a certain way, and these are some reasons I hate being called crazy. I want to be complimented on my body, my looks, my clothes, my mind, I don't know. Answer (1 of 7): I used to hate anyone calling me by my name, especially in romantic relationships and it stemmed from my childhood. My little one is in nursery and out of the blue the new worker said "oh manager was saying Alison is such a lovely and nice person and you are so lovely". New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. I have noticed this trend of people proudly identifying themselves as NERDS, and I don't really get it. Slow down to realize how you really feel. We focus on anything that's good for you, good for others, and good for our planet. 7. As a child my father always called me by a nic name and the only time I was called by my given name was when I was in trouble. You will feel guilty, you will feel anxious that the world will despise you and that terrible things will happen. Being mad vs. being "crazy." People make other people mad. You are too nice have come many assumptions. "You are too nice" have come many assumptions. 17/08/2020 17:42 I'm beginning to really hate being called "nice" and "lovely". Is not fair that I lose them . | "Elephant Journal" & "Walk the Talk Show" are registered trademarks of Waylon H. Lewis, Enterprises. Jane probably wouldnt want to swap out my entire weekend shift, you say to yourself, so instead of asking if she can work the entire weekend for you, you ask her if she can do Saturday. Let me be political and say for one sec that when people refer to women as strong, it's a silly romanticized thing: women are strong because we are homemakers, sole child raisers, workers in the labour market, victims of all sorts of sexual/domestic abuse, etc. For many, it's considered the "kiss of death." So even a guy that is nice might not want to admit to that fact. Crypto Is not fair. If your dog eats dry food you'll want to see this. I'm a nice white person! That cartoon of the headstone that says, Ate all that kale for nothing. The watered-down life, the not being truly known, the millions of missed opportunities to do and get what you want instead of what others wanted can leave you with serious life regrets. Being nice to people you meet (in a friend or dating way) is just the bare minimum. "Nice" was originally Old French for "silly" or "foolish." Here's Chaucer using "nice" in Troilus and Criseyde: Quod Pandarus, "Thou hast a full great care Lest that the churl may fall out of the moon Why, Lord! New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Your critical voices will go crazy as you begin any of the above. This causes me to think that maybe the people who always have a smile on their face are the ones whose hearts have been broken wide open. 'Nice' doesn't mean shy, boring, or softly-spoken. A values-driven life comes out of your values; your core beliefs as an adult about how to be with others. I hate of thee the nice fare; Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the compliment and the sentiment behind it, it's so kind of people to call me something nice, but it's just not my fave word anymore! And if both partners are nice, the effects are multiplied, resulting in a no-conflict but superficial relationship. Clothes, hairstyle etc. Elephant offers 2 articles/week for free. It's just a way to say something good, when there is nothing to compliment. Move out of that superficial talk and experiment with deeper conversations tell those close to you how you really feel rather than fine. If your partner is doing the same, get the problem of verbal intimacy and honesty on the table as something you both want to work on. GameStop Moderna Pfizer Johnson & Johnson AstraZeneca Walgreens Best Buy Novavax SpaceX Tesla. Then again speak up. This choice I make is humbling. How Important Is Agreement in Long-Term Relationships? That's right, I hate being called a nerd. To be kind is to have perspective. Its seeing the good in others. It's the damn fucking bare minimum for a human. Jodee Prouse is a sister, wife, mom, friend, neighbor, and soon-to-be gramma. People who are always nice tend to hold in negative emotions, often resulting in depression, anxiety, and addiction. I hate being called "nice". That poor 100-year-old woman who regretted eating too many beans and not enough ice cream. I also like girls, girls don't like nice guys. I'm cancer free!!! I dont think I do this often enough. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. Play for free. Press J to jump to the feed. How do you want me to believe I'm "nice" when apparently no one wants me ! And you know what the hardest part of this choice is? Hate being called nice. But there's also no denying that, as women, we sometimes get tired of the same Christmas gifts - you know which o I was immediately veto-ed because I was too nice. What is with that!? Those who are always nice may periodically act out or even collapse from exhaustion. It's just remind me that I'm a lonely loser. She is a free, Roopa Swaminathan. Business, Economics, and Finance. Love & Sex Make It Stop: "I Hate Being Described As 'Cute'" by Wendy Stokes August 8, 2018 I'm 30 years old and people -including those who are much younger - are calling me "cute" (as in like a puppy, not hey-baby-you're-cute). If you decide that you are, in fact, tired of being nice all the time, or tired of absorbing any or all of these consequences, its time to stop going on autopilot and begin to make choices and change some of your behaviors. Throwaway as this will be the most ridiculous and vain complaint of all time. If youre asked to be on a church committee, for example, and don't want to, say no. The anxiety-driven life, on the other hand, makes being nice a way of managing anxiety. Learn more. I dare you the next time you get surgery or any serious medical procedure to turn to your doctor and say, with all sincerity, "Thank you so much. Its letting go of grudges. to get two free reads: One in two people with a vagina struggles with pelvic floor health, but just because its common doesnt make it normal. Throwaway as this will be the most ridiculous and vain complaint of all time. TikTok video from Crazy (@_maya_922): "I hate him he was so nice and out of the blue he dumped me". Then they think I am not tough. Or the kickerI am nice because I lead a simple, uncomplicated life. Its sowing what you reap. We're community-driven. My whole family called me by my nic n. Why Toxic Positivity Isnt Positivity at All. It takes 7 seconds to join. And I hate the way this word has become adopted by so many, who try to use it in a so-called positive way. If you want more, grab a subscription for unlimited reads for $10/year (normally, it's 48/year, and the discount ends soon). I mean there are tons of others who don't complimented and are ignored. Cancer can suck my nut!!! Yes I agree assertiveness is the key word here. Implications of not looking after myself. When you do this pre-compromising all the time in close relationships, you wind up never really getting what you want (though you fantasize that the other person will read your mind and offer it anyway), and instead only get watered-down versions that are okay. Over time, what you're left with is a watered-down life. Remember: Theres a whole lot hiding behind nice. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); The #1 Indicator that Your Relationship Will Last. Do you? Being nice isn't a quality damn it ! Hey, thanks so much for reading! That is so wrong. You're just the cutest, you know that?" 8. Our trusty pelvic floor is known to be the energetic center of pleasure, sexuality, and joy. Not in my opinion. It was delicious! Others, especially those closest to you, may see you as subtly controlling or passive-aggressive at times because you are. I want to be complimented on my body, my looks, my clothes, my mind, I don't know. Not raising your hand is saying no, but you want to practice doing this more actively this is about setting boundaries. Let the too nice be a reminder that your path is different than theirs. You learned to take a "nice" stance as a way of avoiding conflict and confrontation that you cant tolerate, a stance that is Im happy if youre happy, meaning, "I do whatever I need to do to not get you disgruntled because you being upset makes me anxious." The same is true about negotiating with your partner: Stop the pre-compromise and figure out what you truly want. You happen to be one of the many reasons black girls and boys grow up and think being black has some kind of negative connotation. Being a follower shouldnt be automatically considered an My girlfriend refused to let her terminally ex see his My husband started acting strangely upon my sister's My girlfriend just gave birth to our first child. Heres what we reveal when we speak, whether we mean to or not. And along with this. I just hate myself so much. Thank God you cleared that up for us. I think people assume that because I am nice I don't know how to put my foot down or be assertive. But as I've . Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. 17/08/2020 18:39. Continue browsing in r/raisedbynarcissists. I hate being a nice guy. Here, you dont say no; you dont speak up and be honest and assertive because of your own fear. When you heart, comment or share, the article's "Ecosystem" score goes uphelping it to be seen by more readers & helping the author to get paid. I am not NICE, but just speak to you normally without superiority nor inferiority. 6. We are a mix of many. Being nice isn't a quality damn it ! I hate being a nice guy. Join & get 2 free reads. Its about seeing and knowing exactly what is going on and how things unfold, butchoosing to take a different path. It's what you say to actual children. Glen Fieldingis a retired public-school educator and researcher. No advocating violence or revenge, even in jest 6. They always give others the benefit of the doubt, are ready to give a hand, or volunteer for that task that no one wants. Even though it may be better than being called old and haggard, it still annoys the bejeezus out of me. But the problem with that approach which is nevertheless needed around people, sometimes they think they are above you just because you ain't hostile which is a big no no with me. It's the damn fucking bare minimum for a human. My husband got a vegan burger (being on a normal a meat eater) and loved it! So being complimented about that make me feel the same as hearing "you have a nose". Elephants #1 Gift Idea: An Immersive Adult Sandbox! What if the whole nice thing was re-framed for a moment: (Please bear with me as I will interchangeably use nice and kind). What makes a person "nice" is completely subjective. I'm an adult! But not something that should be normal. An Accurate Moralometer Would Be Useful, but Also Horrible? My ten year old son cant stand affection between his My husband wanted to sleep with other people, now hes Gf being under anesthesia made me realize how lucky I am. You are kind and considerate and see that we are all struggling on this tiny dot of speck in the vast universe; you treat others the way youd like to be treated. Kindness isnt about ignorance. When you feel anger, irritation, or resentment, use it as information telling you what you need, what you dont like, and what you may want. until you do. The byproduct of these emotional crunches are often depression, anxiety, and addiction. Especially when you hear people saying how women want a good guy. 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