Our relationship became incredibly strained during this time as we both readjusted to the new boundaries I was setting. Instead, I found ways to protect and restore my energy. What and how you feel is on you. 7. I just knew that I did not mix well with strong smells, loud noises, or crowded places. None of that is personal. If you have to repeat yourself, thats okay. Trauma survivors have a superpower: being able to read your surroundings and read people really well. Even after youve identified what you need and found the courage to ask for it, sometimes the other party will still try to push your buttons (by being consciously manipulative) or forget your previous requests (by being unconsciously oblivious). Do you have trouble establishing healthy emotional boundaries? A mentor of mine once said that trauma survivors can sniff out the inauthenticity of their healthcare . I feel trapped, small, helpless. Start tuning into your actions. In high school, I drove my boyfriend crazy trying to cheer him up when he was in pain from frequent sports injuries. We only recommend products we genuinely like, and purchases made through our links support our mission and the free content we publish here on AoM. Unfortunately we don't have the power or control over someone else's feelings, nor they over ours. You will discover a renewed appreciation toward your partner because they are willing and strong enough to meet you and your pain without reacting or crumbling. That's their responsibility. When you blame the way you feel on another person, you do two things: You believe you control and are responsible for other people's emotions, and they control and are responsible for yours. In return, when other people do the same, we let ourselves off the hook. Ilona Andrews. Even so, its not your job to force them to acquire those skills. Nor can we control them. The Art of Manliness participates in affiliate marketing programs, which means we get paid commissions on editorially chosen products purchased through our links. In such symbiotic relationships, if one is hurting, the other must sympathize with that pain as proof for their love; if one is happy, the other should also be happy. An Accurate Moralometer Would Be Useful, but Also Horrible? 6. And they start to resent you for it. If you mess with people's feelings on purpose, or act with complete disregard for other people's feelings, you are responsible. I promise you: this will not make you a bad person. Before using the site, please read our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. My brain was trying to tell me that I was in danger, but sometimes our brains give us the wrong information. If they are mature, they will process their own disappointment and own it. - The child becomes a source of emotional support and caregiving to parents. I actually got thanked for leaving him alone. Friendship problems- replaced or growing apart? I cant remember what I said, but I distinctly remember the look of confusion on her face. And the irony is, when we step back and let go of control, the fear starts to go away. The longer I stayed on the phone, the more agitated I became. I just needed to let go of my fear that something would go horribly wrong if I didnt intervene. DANA'S MINDFUL MINUTE: YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR OTHER PEOPLE'S FEELINGS. Click to opt-out of Google Analytics tracking. Because other people are often confused by these needs, or can even feel personally rejected in some way, we learn as children to compromise on them constantly. And here my therapist was pointing out that it wasnt up to me to help other people regulate their emotions. For many, this can be the most difficult part of the process for various reasons. So now let us examine the different steps you can take to soften the symbiotic reactivity of your intimate relationships and allow your partner to share their aching openly. Emotional responsibility includes being accountable for not only our actions and behaviors, but also our thoughts and our feelings. You should fulfill your promises and moral obligations. As my therapist would say, even within a marriage its not my job to regulate the emotions of my spouse. You stop trying to control or change how they behave, and start changing what's actually changeable - your own life. But you do have responsibilities. Trust me. Do you try to fix other people's problems? You can release the need to be responsible for another person's happiness. In this space, I can think and act more clearly. Somehow, the notion of being responsible for your feelings has gotten twisted into a judgment call. Even contemplating making such a choice fills them dread andanxiety; they feel emotional upset . Throughout our lives, the majority of the time that we are talking to others we are actually talking about ourselves. Slowly the relationship becomes a dangerous place where you don't want to share your pain in order not to hurt your partner (because your pain = their problem). 50 Questions for Self-Examination, The Insanely Difficult Standards of Historys Hardest P.E. You have permission to let that all go for the first time in your life and try another path. When asking for your needs, you might try to soothe someone elses defensive reactions. These are the kinds of things that run through many mens minds especially those of the Nice Guy type when they think about making a decision that will affect other people. Most of us have felt for our entire lives that our personal needs are weird and inconvenient to others. You Are Not Responsible for Anyone Else's Emotions By Jill Dahl "Rather than being your thoughts and emotions, be the awareness behind them." ~Eckhart Tolle "I don't believe you," I jutted out my chin like a petulant toddler. It's about us. You can be responsible for someone's feelings in a very cause-and-effect sense (although this can be traced back to the big bang, if taken far enough). Answer with never, seldom, occasionally, often, or usually.. When talking, try sharing your pain, criticism, frustration, or even anger at your partner slowly, in small chunks, pausing to let it be absorbed and digested by your partner. Your feelings are created by your thoughts, and other people don't cause or control them. So if you dont want to keep your partner and your loved ones undifferentiated, and if you want to grow, then remember that you are not responsible for their feelings. The weight will be lifted and you'll be able to show up for your loved one AND yourself. This site is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal, or other professional advice. When I first realized that I was taking on the negative emotions of my mother, I became extremely resentful and disgusted with her. I am not responsible for someone else' emotions. The folly of this perspective is that, in truth, we are responsible only for ourselves, and our own feelings. You care about how you affect your spouse; you care about your spouse's welfare and feelings. It's about a gift you were blessed with to illuminate a deeper insight into life and the human condition. In order to truly honor someone else, its essential to step back and let them have their own choices and their own reactions. Feeling responsible for others' happiness is a complex relationship of interrelated thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Use that to your advantage. When I attempted to open up about these things, she often interrupted me with a story of her own suffering, invalidating the pain I felt. Its a bunch of bullocks when someone sneers that they couldnt help the fact that someone else chose to be offended, when they made it almost impossible for that person to react in any other way. Answer (1 of 11): This is a really good question. We are victims when we suffer and attribute our grief to someone else. We simply cannot be in charge of everyones emotions, nor should we be. If youre able to speak up for what you need and still be respectful of others, then do it. When maintaining a boundary, you might give in when someone tries to tear down your fence because theyve always been allowed into your garden before, and now they dont like feeling left out. [03:10] There are consequences and distorted beliefs that arise from thinking we're responsible, Vicki explains. You unconsciously put so much pressure on other people (me especially) to fill your emptiness, but thats a dangerous and unrealistic expectation and people cant and wont live up to it. Monday at 6:00 PM (Path/Steps-Focused) First Baptist Church Clinton or on Zoom: Meeting ID: 291 794 745; Password: 239009. Last but not least kids/children's- a lot of things, no worry, smiles, happiness, this is the best part of this journey. Like me, you're probably extremely affected by the emotions and energy of the people and spaces around you. In your example, you are actively provoking a feeling of anger or sadness, as you are perpetrating an action that needs no . Here Are 4 Things You Should Know If You Feel Responsible For Other People's Feelings 1. Do they want to learn those skills? What's simply happening here is that someone is making you responsible for their emotional baggage. Has COVID Changed How We Process and Understand Words? As Lori Gordon. Others beliefs, perceptions, egos, temperament, defense mechanisms, thought patterns, stories, emotional regulation all play together to form their view. It is beyond annoying, and your whole body language displays hostility whether you want it or not. You can also effectively communicate through the use of non-verbal. Later, I would allow other boyfriends to dictate how I was feeling each day, according to their mood. Our conversations are sprinkled with slips, pauses, lies, and clues to our inner world. I feel as if my happiness depends on other people. Call Don Waller at 601-946-1290 or email him at don@wallerbros.com. Though I run this site, it is not mine. click here for a short video explaining about core beliefs, 7 Reasons Why Some People Stay in Unhappy Relationships, How to Work Around a Procrastination Habit. I could listen and no longer become enmeshed or feel obligated to do something about what she was feeling. What they dont realize is this: You are not responsible for other peoples feelings. Or switch their happiness emotion . We make our own choices in life. I am feeling a little frustrated, so maybe I should take a few deep breaths." Raising kids, especially empathetic ones, is hard. Youll come to a place where you step into your own power consistently, with passion and purpose. I noticed that I wanted to say something to make it better. Text Will at (562) 552-1394 or email him at will . If you are constantly being open and available for everyone else at the expense of your own needs, then you are shirking responsibility where it actually counts. Let's look at what it means to take responsibility for your own feelings. I invited him to pause, imagine he drank the truth serum, and take a chance and share what the real number is. I watched his scowl and listened to him mutter. your own Pins on Pinterest On this episode, we take a look at how your prior programming is causing you to feel responsible for how other people feel and act, and why - contrary to popular belief - it is actually not a loving thing to do. Think about what you could have done differently, now that you are more aware. - You care more about making someone else happy than your own well-being. She is also the author of The INFJ Writer, a writing guide made specifically for sensitive intuitive writers. I was definitely not in danger. So, in review. I gently reminded her, "You are not responsible for my feelings. Assael Romanelli, Ph.D., is a clinical social worker and a licensed couple and family therapist based in Israel. Let's make a big distinction between passive influence and active influence, because to me, that's where you draw the line. I could ask other people to modify something because it was causing me a problem? Rather than being your thoughts and emotions, be the awareness behind them. ~Eckhart Tolle, I dont believe you, I jutted out my chin like a petulant toddler. For an example: your friend is overweight and is insecure about her weight. I tend to take on the moods of people close to me. The only revision I'd make to your quote is that though you aren't responsible for other people's feelings, you ARE responsible for your own ACTIONS, and in all the examples you provided in the case where your phrase isnt applicable, the "action" is rather an inaction, which is not communicating or making a choice. So don't rob your partner of a chance to grow! In closing, I offer this rephrasing: To each his own pain.. Meeting yourself in the presence of the other is Schnarshs definition of intimacy. It's not your responsibility to set boundaries for other people only for yourself. While she seemed to accept truth and honesty from other people, I tiptoed around certain topics for fear of upsetting her. We think that taking responsibility for other people's feelings is sensitive and admirable. If you cringed at the thought of using any of these phrases, youll be relieved to know that communicating your boundaries doesnt always have to be with words. Collapsing back into the tufted leather loveseat, I conceded, I want to believe you, but I cant.. When you're living with unresolved trauma, you're living in a constant state of perceived danger, which means your instincts are sharp. More : You're not responsible for someone's emotions. You stop listening from a comfortable, open position because once you start hearing your partners pain, you immediately start thinking, What did I do this time? You can't please everyone and that's ok. According to experts, some of the signs of a codependent relationship are: Codependent relationships sometimes also involve one person enabling another persons bad behavior, for example, through covering up their drug abuse or illegal/unsafe activity. GET MORE FUN & INSPIRING IMAGES & VIDEOS. Subscribe here. But the key insight in this process is that, even within a committed relationship, each person is responsible for themselves. Answer (1 of 5): We are somewhat responsible for other people's feelings. And you cannot make your own decisions based on their expected response. She seemed committed to being the ultimate victim and I resented her for what I perceived as weakness. If they are not, they will blame us for their . Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. This baggage has nothing to do with you. In fact, it's a good thing. Sometimes all it takes is a couple minutes to walk away and regain my balance. Now, dont get me wrong, the fact that youre not responsible for other peoples feelings, doesnt mean youre not responsible for your actions towards them. YOU are responsible for what you put into your mouth. Rationally, I understood the concept. These resonances produce the qualia that we experience, including colors, smells, tastes, sounds, and even our conscious sense of self. Having a safe space to retreat, practicing mindfulness and meditation, or visualizing a protective shield around yourself are other methods that can help restore balance when boundaries are invaded. Were afraid that if we clear set boundaries for ourselves, the people in our lives will begin to resent us. I hear several times from clients situations where they are anticipating a response from another person and planning accordingly. At times, it can be incredibly hard to distinguish between your stuff and other peoples stuff.. 2. At that instant, they both experienced a novel moment of a differentiated relationshiphe shared his honest pain, in the shape of avoidance, and she was able to "let it land," because he didnt try to censor himself to protect her. What they don't realize is this: You are not responsible for other people's feelings. Although you may influence how someone feels, you cannot change how they actually feel. And even in this scenario, it is still not your responsibility to try to fix or manage your friend's feelings. I realize that my breathing is very shallow. So, sometimes, you have to go through the whole process again. I had moved to Los Angeles for graduate school in part to escape all of thismy mothers unhappiness, my sense of responsibility, the pressure to be perfect. My frustration with my inability to express myself made me even angrier. Writing became therapeutic for me. You feel it's your fault when other people feel bad. Spoiler alert: You! Im responsible for my own emotions. 24.D)Keep track of left-handed children's school performance. The gospel of cheerfulness, I had almost said the gospel of amusement, is preached by people who lack experience to people who lack vitality. When communicating truth, emotional and spiritual tools to help people . Closing the door, taking a step back, shaking your head, or signaling with your hands can be less threatening ways of letting others know what you will and wont accept from them. I found I could say things in writing I was unable to verbalize to my mother. You feel mortified when something goes wrong at work, even when it's a team effort. 4. Taking responsibility for someone else's feelings is actually the most insensitive thing we can do because we are crossing into another's territory. We need more time. You are tired from a long day and your child is in high spirits, talking loudly, running around, asking for a ton of attention. At the time, I could not (correction: would not) allow myself to admit that I was angry with my mother. We are responsible for our own feelings, and other people are responsible for theirs. Heres what we reveal when we speak, whether we mean to or not. Everyone gets to choose their own adventure here. Years ago, I worked for a startup on a tight budget, with 10 of us working out of an extremely cramped office. Although we think we are giving an opinion on something or . I just needed to fight my urge to take on my husbands frustration. Discover (and save!) Your feelings are created by your thoughts, and other people don't cause or control them. The weight will be lifted and you'll be able to show up for your loved one AND yourself. Thankfully another one of my coworkers had become a close friend. If you can stay grounded and not retreat and apologize for what you just said, over time your partner may return to this topic with a question or may wish to share his or her own hurt on this matter. If people-pleasing is an issue for you, consider working with a good therapist who can get to the root of your reactions and help you see things differently. - In high-conflict, stressful, or traumatic situations, children soothe and regulate the parent's . Further reinforcement that I would have been making it worse by taking on his frustration. Now, don't get me wrong, the fact that you're not responsible for other people's feelings, doesn't mean you're not responsible for your actions towards them. The good news is that you can break free from this habit. Posted August 22, 2019 With time, such a process will slowly rewire your brain and help you internalize that you cannot prevent your partner from feeling pain. I will be better after I eat, my husband mumbled as he scrolled on his phone. Youre not helping anyone by trying to manage the emotions of other people. INFJs might feel guilty if someone they love fails or if they are not there to help them succeed. You feel ashamed or fearful when you make a mistake. Why Do Your Knees Crackle When You Squat? We are not responsible for the feelings of others (although we are responsible to them . Many introverts communicate much more effectively in writing. He worryingly scanned his wifes face and whispered, Well, actually, 2 out of 10.. The world is not going to end if my husband is hangry.. I prided myself on acting as a mediator between my siblings. That's precisely when you have to remind yourself: how others feel about who you are, the way you live your life, or what your dreams are is not your business. We are not responsible for other people's feelings. The woman who sat next to me wore an overpowering perfume that reminded me of the candle store in the mall. | Schnarch, D. M. (2012). If you answered often or usually to the above statements, this might be an indication that you have trouble establishing healthy emotional boundaries. In need of support, bad situation got worse, How Ive Redefined Success Since Failing by Traditional Standards, Why Trauma Doesnt Always Make Us Stronger (and What Does), What Most People Get Wrong About Singles and 6 Messages You Might Need, A Gentle Reminder to Anyone Whos Struggling This Holiday Season, How I Knew It Was Emotional Abuse: The Subtle Signs I Almost Missed. As you practice, your ego may start to act up and make you feel like you are wrong in establishing boundaries. Not trying to change people is such a compassionate act. Ive also learned to recognize a more extreme version of this behavior, called codependency, which often goes hand-in-hand with people-pleasing. What it is, though, is a pathway to control. Psychology Today 2022 Sussex Publishers, LLC. Linda Mintle. . It was one of those situations. 9. Thank you for not trying to fix me. We need more space than other people. If you are feeling over-responsible for someone in your life, you are likely picking up some of the slack that they should be tending to. How much effort and energy will I have to invest in cheering them up or asking for forgiveness? Over time, such mental effort can lead you to start avoiding your partner, since you already have enough on your plate. Your right to express yourself is not about you. When I hung up the phone, I felt an overwhelming sense of anger. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. The blame . Eventually, I was able to allow her to have her own emotional experience without making it about me. I cherished the rare days she was carefree and silly and held these moments close to my heart. You Are Not Responsible for Other People's Emotions | by Luna | The Post-Grad Survival Guide | Medium Write Sign up Sign In 500 Apologies, but something went wrong on our end. What do I need to do now? According to this theory, the conscious qualia and feelings that we experience are not actually created by our brains. So, we have two choices. Write that letter and leave it in your neighbors mailbox. You can release the need to be responsible for another person's happiness. You're not responsible for other people's feelings, only your own. Seeing my truth on paper was the ultimate form of validation for me. Here's the thing. Reflect to examine if you hold a core belief that you are responsible for your partner's feelings, or that their pain is your responsibility, or that it is your responsibility to keep your partner happy at all times. Youre quick to say yes to others without pausing to consider how you feel. You are not responsible for the way your partner feels. Such a process helps couples cut the symbiotic umbilical cord between them and dare to share their pain honestly, with no avoidance or censorship, and even without the need to solve or protect their spouse. If you are not responsible for how another person feels, who are you responsible for? Top Not Responsible For Others Actions Quotes. You wonder, however, what responsibility you have to change other's emotions from negative to positive. 1. If you're being kind, honest and moral, you have NOTHING to worry . I asked him how much he really wants to hear her from 1 (not really interested) to 10 (dying to hear her laments). I had been doing it wrong all these years. Sure, your coworker might argue that listening to dance music at top volume is his inalienable right, but most sensible people would agree that his argument doesnt hold water. 4 minutes. Please seek professional care if you believe you may have a condition. That is unavoidable and natural. Should I catch the thief (or thieves) or should I leave it? Hadnt I always considered her to be my closest confidante? Does it affect other people? At this point in my life, I hadnt yet discovered that Iman introvert and a highly sensitive person (HSP). We need more complexity and more depth. How to Ease Your Suffering and Confusion by Deciphering Your Emotions, How to Release Emotions Stuck in Your Body and Let Go of the Pain, How Mindfulness Is Saving My Relationship, Start Investing in Your Emotional Wellbeing: 25 Practical Tips to Move Beyond Survival Mode. Remind yourself and them that you are doing this in order to deepen the relationship. I also noticed that I wasnt upset about our food order. As a result, they learn numerous toxic lessons: To blame themselves for being mistreated. Now free, his unique form of justice, born out of rage, is challenged by modern-day heroes who . A concept most of us have grown up with is that other people "make" us feel a certain way. If youre not invading anyones space or being disrespectful of someones boundaries, its safe to say that youre justified in asking that your needs be respected. Rather, they are accessed by our brains from a pre-existing "library" of qualia and . This process can lead you to a more aware partnership, which is less reactive and symbiotic and more authentic and differentiated. Here's why: It diminishes others' power and personal responsibility. Other people need to take responsibility for their own feelings. Podcast #854: The Existential in Red Dead Redemption 2, The Sometimes, Always, Never Three-Button Rule, A Mans Guide to Fragrance: How to Choose and Wear Cologne, How to Pick the Perfect Mens Wedding Ring, Your No-Nonsense Guide to Choosing the Right Beard Style, How to Grow a Beard: The One and True Guide, Beard Oil FAQs: Answering All Your Pressing Beardly Questions, Beard Grooming 101: The Lowdown on Products and Routine, How to Recognize a Quality Tie in 60 Seconds. Now, don't get me wrong, the fact that you're not responsible for other people's feelings, doesn't mean you're not responsible for your actions towards them. 22.A)It has not done enough to help left-handed children. But when your decision doesnt carry moral import, and you make it with all the politeness and respect possible, then youre not responsible for how the other person deals with your choice. Thirty minutes later, our order still hadnt arrived. When somebody says "I feel angry when you do ABC," he or she isn't blaming you for an emotion. I was stunned and speechless. When I told her about the perfume lady, she said simply, Why dont you ask her not to wear that perfume to work anymore? - You don't believe food can actually harm you. Early on, I learned to temper my behavior and my own emotions so as not to instigate or prolong her sadness. Lauren Sapala is the author of Firefly Magic: Heart Powered Marketing for Highly Sensitive Writers, a guide to help any HSP, INFJ, INFP, or introvert writer move past resistance to selling and marketing their work. The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others. ~Sonya Friedman. I never felt I could share the difficulties and challenges I experienced in my own life because this contradicted who I was to her. Others may also become resentful of your newfound assertiveness. She was very similar to me intuitive, people-oriented, and sensitive. Be more present, more kind, and bring more love to others with this . You're A Loving Being. Our actions shape our lives and we alone are responsible for them. When she slipped into a depressive state, sleeping days at a time in her dark room, I willed her to come out. (Charlie . We do not have the power to directly enter another person's mind and switch their fear emotion on or off. in: Advice, Character, Featured, Sunday Firesides, Brett and Kate McKay April 6, 2019 Last updated: June 1, 2021, I cant break up with her; shed be devastated., I cant quit my job; it would stress out my co-workers., I cant say no to helping out with this event; my friend would be really frustrated.. When you feel the urge to be the fixer, follow the three steps I outline below. Take a moment to answer the following questions adapted from Charles Whitfields Boundaries and Relationships: Knowing, Protecting and Enjoying the Self. 16 Signs You Were Raised by a Highly Critical Parent, The Simple Technique That Relieved My Anxiety and Depression, Gaslighting Behavior Is a Sign of Weakness. Passionate marriage: Keeping love and intimacy alive in committed relationships. You are responsible for respecting other people's boundaries, for being honest, for being considerate, for loving others. If you struggle with this, like me, chances are there was some chaos in your early years. There were too many decades of owning the moods of those around me. Consequently, both partners stop sharing their truth. But in this situation, if I were by myself I would have been fine. I was okay to wait. Their pain is their pain, and your pain . You dont have to react in a certain way to every expression of emotion from them. You should treat people ethically and civilly. You should fulfill your promises and moral obligations. That does not mean being oblivious to their hurt. My husband was getting agitated, and I could feel my blood pressure rising in response. I tend to get caught up in other peoples problems. Assael trains and lectures internationally about therapy, relationships and improvisation. So send that email. INFJs do have a tendency to feel responsible for other people, especially the ones closest to them. I hereby give you permission, from this day forward, to communicate your needs through the written word, whenever and to whomever you want, without feeling guilty about it. Like me, you may have been socialized to believe that as a woman you exist to bring some kind of joy, support, care (insert . We are not directly responsible for other people's emotions in the same way that we are not directly responsible for another person's breathing, walking or eating. Slowly, and with the help of a therapist, Im learning to address my people-pleasing tendencies. It is incredibly important to establish clear emotional boundaries, or we can become so overwhelmed and overstimulated by whats going around us that its sometimes hard to function. Inspiration This Week: Over Investment in Managing Others. 1) Set your boundaries! Didnt I proudly declare her to be my best friend when I was younger? The content on Tiny Buddha is designed to support, not replace, medical or psychiatric treatment. Tell her it bothers you.. This is how a relationship grows and blossoms. Self help teachers and psychologists and life coaches and spiritual teachers have been teaching this concept as if it is a new absolute truth and society has begun to buy into it, hook line and sinker . Refresh. For example, you knew . Take ownership. You are not to blame for other people's problems, and you are not responsible for other people's happiness. Should I catch the thief (or thieves) or should I leave it? Humility is the key to balancing your right of self-expression and consideration of others. For example, "my partner is going . As Lori Gordon writes, you might be a factor in their life that influences their experience, but you cannot take responsibility for their emotional happiness. Are you mad? I timidly asked my husband. 1. We are all responsible for our own happiness, it's not anyone else's job but our own. Every time your partner shares something difficult or painful, you immediately get tense and feel that you need to do something about it. When I feel myself becoming too overwhelmed, I try to immediately remove myself from the situation. This is the same energy that has created the drama in their lives in the first place. When we can take responsibility for our own emotions, we let the other person off the hook. Its not your responsibility to set boundaries for other people only for yourself. Soon after, I took advantage of the free counseling services on campus. Trust me when I say that keeping everyone around us happy is a fight well never win. Click to opt-out of Google Analytics tracking. Boundaries are where we begin and another person ends. Feelings arise from within yourselves. You'll feel immediate relief. introverts communicate much more effectively in writing, 12 Things Introverts Absolutely Need to Be Happy, 15 Signs Youre an Introvert With High-Functioning Anxiety, 10 Struggles Only Shy Introverts Will Understand, Firefly Magic: Heart Powered Marketing for Highly Sensitive Writers. You interpret the emotions that are coming up as messages about someone else. 3 3.How Feeling Responsible for Other's Emotions Sabotages You and 4 4.You're Not Responsible for Other People's Feelings - Introvert, Dear; 5 5.CBT Training Examples: Responsible for Others' Feelings; 6 6.If You're Too Nice And Worried About Other People's Feelings 7 7.The Myth of Managing Emotions | Psychology Today; 8 8 . Copyright 2022 Introvert, Dear LLC | Privacy Policy and Affiliate Disclosures All rights reserved. In my young mind, I made myself responsible for her and was not able to separate her feelings from mine. If you answered "often" or "usually" to the above statements, this might be an indication that you have trouble establishing healthy emotional boundaries. Their pain is their pain, and your pain is your pain. You are not in charge of other people's feelings. I do want you to be happy, but Im starting to realize that I cant be responsible for your happiness and healing; only you can. Most introverts and HSPs have the misguided idea that we should push ourselves to have face-to-face confrontations with people, when there is nothing that makes us feel more like we want to crawl under a rock. That day, I turned this anger toward a safer target, my co-worker. 29, 2022. B) She was coughing all the time. Over time, a sense of freedom will arise in the relationship, and you will feel freer to share what you feel. My mother was on the other end, as usual, dumping her emotions on me. - Children constantly trying to accommodate how their parents feel. I noticed my husband was grumpy. Friendship problems- replaced or growing apart? The reactions of other people are not your responsibility. Nearly 5,000 years have passed, and Avatar: The Way of Water has gone from man to myth to legend. Their sense of empathy is what causes them to take on this responsibility over others. Speaking up for ourselves is not only hard to do, but it tends to bring up a ton of emotional baggage from our past. Science and Behavior Books. What is the problem with holding a core belief of your pain = my responsibility? [00:39] We hear why Vicki is focusing on this topic today. See what you gain and what you lose from trusting in such a core belief. I closed myself off from her and shut her out completely. When we do not answer for our feelings and actions, we put the responsibility on someone else. No, you aren't responsible for how other people feel. The other half, if youre like me, you end up feeling resentful, unheard, isolated, and powerless. 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